Just keep running, running, running...

Week 8

Total Miles:  20.20 miles

Long Run:  8 miles

In the month of July, I ran 80.17 miles.  The fat girl from a few years ago that hated running is floored by this number.  Seriously, I did that?  I ran that much in one month?  Heck yeah, I did! 

This past week was a bit of a roller coaster for me.  For the most part, I was fine and dandy with getting up at 5 am to run my miles.  Morning running is getting easier for me and I think I even enjoy it a bit.  It's nice to get up and run when the world is still quiet and there isn't too much to going on.  Tim has been running with me and as most everyone knows, he's not much of a talker.  Morning running makes him even less inclined to speak, so most of the time, it's just me saying something from time to time-- typically I am complaining about how long the miles are feeling or how hot it is, etc.  He is quite the sport to tolerate my crankiness so early in the day.  On the short run day, I picked it up a bit and attempted some interval type training.  It was nice to finish somewhat close to my PR 5k time because I do feel that if I ran a 5k now, I would be seriously slow.  I am fairly consistent with my morning runs;  first mile is pretty slow (I'm still waking up after all!) and then I continue to have negative splits for the following miles. 

So, for whatever reason, the night before our long run, I was nervous.  Nervous isn't really the right word.  It's hard to explain.  I was just doubting myself.  It's silly because I had already ran 8 miles earlier in the summer, but for some reason, I had a mental block about it.  I didn't really sleep well and I was just dreading it.  We started running, and I kept looking at my watch to try to stay around a 11:40 pace because I was so sure that I would freakin' pass out if I tried to run any faster.  Jaime noticed I was quiet, and I suppose for the first few miles I was because I was just so full of self doubt.  I was a few feet behind Leah and Jaime and I was looking at them thinking about how they really looked like runners and I was the chubby girl just trying to keep up.  I know this kind of thinking is silly, but I'm just being honest.  I am unsure of myself sometimes.   At one point, I looked over at Tim and he just smiled at me.  The crazy boy had already ran 8 miles before meeting up with us, and he was smiling?  After that, I just decided to stop thinking about it and just run.  Heck, if he could run 16 miles with a grin, I could do 8, right?

I tell myself I'm not very competitive.  However, I think this weekend I realized that I am competing against myself when I let all the doubt take over.  I am the queen of psyching myself out.  I would like to say that I won't have a day like this again anytime soon, but that is unlikely.  Heck, we plan on running the lake next week and I so have a mental block when it comes to hills!  I just need to find a way to gag the voice in my head that tells me that I can't do it.  That I am still too fat to run or that I should just stop.  I can do this.  I AM doing this.  Maybe I need to be like Stuart Smallay (from SNL) and do a mantra in the mirror:  I am a runner, I am fast enough, and doggone it, it's okay if people pass me!   hehe

Quote of the Week: 

"Have you seen Finding Nemo?  I tell myself to be like Dory and to just keep running, running, running..."
Jaime Huppert, future Half Marathoner