Trying to Stay Calm

Just so you know, I'm a ball of crazy right now, so this post could be a train wreck.  Consider yourself warned.

We are less than five (FIVE!!!) days out, and this marathon business is making me a lunatic!  One minute I'm full of amped up excitement, the next, I'm about to poop my pants in fear.  I remember being nervous before my first 5k and my first Half Marathon, but this is RIDICULOUS!   So many thoughts- both good and bad- are buzzing around in my brain, I just don't know how to silence the noise!!! 

Except for running.  Running always clears my head.  But guess what?  I'm suppose to be tapering, which means, I'm running less.  Way less.  It does not feel right.  A few weeks ago, I was clocking in 30-35 miles per week, and now I'm not even hitting 20!?!  This week I am only suppose to run a 3 miler and two 2 milers?  What?  WHAT?  WHHHHAAAATTT???  This is freaking me out!  What if I forget how to run!!!???

How I feel when folks ask me how much I'm running this week.

Big, deep breaths.  Sigh.

Obviously, the tapering concept is messing with me mentally.  I should have expected that.  I read many an article about it, yet I thought I would be immune.  Heck, last month, I was ready to run less!  I guess now that I'm actually doing so, it's just messing with my head a bit.  I know it's what I'm suppose to be doing.  I know it's suppose to help.  I just need to chill.  Breathe.

The other thing that is making me have mini-panic attacks is that final 6.2 miles.  I have done two 20 mile runs.   I was a wreck after the first one because I didn't fuel properly during the run.  The second one went better, but I walked more and my legs were a bit tight because of it.  Both left me feeling like I could maybe run more, but 6.2 miles more?  I'm not so sure!  What if I totally bonk at 20 and have a meltdown on the course?  I'm not above walking those last 6 miles, but I don't want to do so with a face full of snot and tears!  I enjoy myself more when I finish strong, but what if I just don't have it in me?  AHHHH!

Then of course, there is all the typical race day fears.  How cold am I going to be before the marathon starts?   What should I wear- do I really want to expose my chubby arms to thousands of people?  What am I going to eat the night before?  What if the Cardinal's game keeps me up too late the night before?  And I shudder to even think this, but what if I actually get the POOPS the day of?!?  (Non-runners:  Please don't judge.  Poop happens.)  So many things to worry about!

Truth. 

 

But there is also so much to be excited about!  I have been training for this for 18 weeks.  I have gotten up as early as 3 o'clock in the darn morning to prep for a run.  I have trained in horribly hot temps, downpours of rain, humidity that made it hard to even breathe!  It's time to cash that all in, right?  It's time for the pay off.  Sure, running 26.2 miles might sound like a crazy ass reward, but man, I want this so BAD.  I want to prove to myself that I can do this.

I'm ready for the pay off.

Another super exciting thing is there are so many of us that will be rockin' the streets of St. Louis this weekend!  I know about a dozen others that are going to be running that day-so many folks to cheer on!  I will be cheering for most of you from behind, but I will be cheering so loud and proud, you just might hear me! 

Also, I'm doing this with my best friend and biggest cheerleader.  Tim could have trained for his own race.  He didn't have to train with my slow butt, but he wanted to.  He wants to share that moment with me and that makes me feel all warm and wonderfully loved.  I am so lucky that we can share this.  It makes it even more special to me. 

He's pretty much the best.  

Okay, writing all that down calmed my nerves a bit-- for now anyway.  :)